i am who i am

i’m in office rite now.
bored..

what should i do?apa yang aku nak buat bagi menghilangkan kebosanan aku
ni? kalau aku kat umah, aku dah lama tido dah. semalam aku tido lambat.
ke aku tak tido semalam? aku pun da tak ingat. jalan2 sampai ke jengka.
penat? tak pun… should be end as one happy trip. but den, i  stupid
as usual, spoilt everything.stupid me change happy ‘atmosphere’ into a
thunder storm with a stupid style.what a stupid me.

haih…

pagi tadi aku sibuk. sibuk ‘mensibuk’kan diri aku. cube untuk senyum.
cube untuk gelak ngan dak2 opis ni.cube tuk kekang fikiran aku untuk
tidak keluar melayang dari ‘kotak’ yg ada cop UEM ni.  cube untuk hidup
sebagai manusia normal. susah betul nak hidup sebagai manusia normal
hari ni… finally, aku dapat gak keje. translatekan satu kertas kerje
from english to BM. one of the biggest job. susah woo..rasa macam budak
form 1 je. ngan terms2 yang pelik2. aku rasa dah jadi lawak dah BM aku.
bukan nak cakap aku ni pandai sangat BI sampai tak tau dah Bahasa
ibunda kite. just dat, "I feel stupid when speak Malay
" is malay stupid? nope. am i to ‘mulia. to speak malay? also nope.
just dat,Malay standard is too high for me…  aku paham perasaan
Sharifah Aleya.. dan aku pun dah start mengarut….

after took 3 hours to translate all the paper works( what a slow me…) here i am, back to the start.
bored…

got little conversation with cik azman. bout my ‘bored’ things. tak
banyak pun yang berubah. same je. hajat untuk aku di transfer ke UEM
Builders mungkin aku terpaksa lupekan. apatah lagi untuk aku tukar
company. kenapa nak tukar company? hanya mereke dan keluarga mereka je
yang tau..

sebenarnye aku tak tau nak tulis apa..radio kat belakang aku ni tgh kuar lagu samson-bukan diriku.
lagu tema tuk aku hari ni. jiwang? hehe.. salah ke? tak kan..? hanyalah
luahan seorang insan kerdil yang tak paham erti ‘kehidupan’. yang
seringkali tersungkur dalam mencari arah hidup ini.. perghhh.. ayat  dewan bahasa ni.

Tibe2 dada aku senak. senak yang sangat2. sampai sekarang terasa
lagi. susah tuk bernafas. sampai sekarang aku terurut2 lagi dada aku.
haih, kenapa yek?

itu membuatkan aku terpikir, kite hidup tak lama. tak esok, luse, tah2
kejap kang. bebile saje nyawa yang kita ‘pinjam’ ni akan di ambik
balik. dah cukup sedia ke aku ni?

kadang2 aku rasa aku ni hanyalah patung, untuk sedap didengar dan
mengikut peredaran masa, aku rasa hidup aku ni hanyalah seperti sebuah
action figure. action figure yang boleh dibeli kat Toys R’Us tu.yang
orang boleh ambik dan mainkan. dan aku mempunyai expired date. expired
date yang ditentukan oleh DIA. so sebelum sampai due date tu, aku
hanyalah sebuah jasad, yang boleh dimain bile kesunyian, dan dibiarkan
ketika tidak diperlukan.aku sedaya upaya mencuba tuk puaskan hati tuan
yang memegang dan memainkan aku. dihargai atau tak? terserah. aku just
menjalankan tugas aku. berjaya atau tak? terserah.

dan sekali lagi aku tersedar yang aku sedang mengarut… haih…

dada aku still senak lagi…

ermmm…what else,

do u aggree if i said "Finding theright person is very hard and very wrong.."
? it is best to be the right person for the one you love and start from
there, u’ll always end up dissapointed when u set standards and define
a ‘right person’ for u.you can never be perfect… the person u love
also can never be perfect. but both of u can be perfect through love
and prayers.u should go through together to be perfect. tepuk sebelah
tangan takkan bunyik kan?

Others said that love is immortal and can never be defined . when we’re
in love, the first thing we want is to tell the world  that our love is
very special and can never be taken away from us. we keep say this
phrase, ‘ u are the most wonderful gift from God i ever received." but
den, after a terrible fight or sometimes even a petty quarrel, the
phrase changed, " u are the biggest mistake i ever made for my entire
life!!"

Now, how do u really spell and pronounce L-O-V-E? are u sure u are really deeply into it?

Nobody can tell what love really is, until experience speaks for it
self, untill experience itself whispers to our ears. at that stage,
u’ll know .Most of the time, these love promises like "Forever, Till
death tears us apart", "lautan api pun sanggup ku renangi" and bla..
bla.. bla would end up "Never", "we should part ways, I’m no longer
happy with u! my love for you is DEAD!!!"

i think i’m right, there is no such things as perfect relationship, but
there’s a compatible partnership that goes along with it. if u are
already knew that u are to big to fit into a small expensive shirts,
dont u ever give a try, u’ll probably tears it and got to pay for the
damages. ifu knew and felt that the relationship will not last, don’t
go deeper into it. for sure u’ll drown.

if u call it love when u cant leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go, u are wrong, its just pity.

if u call it love when u’re too attached and think that losing the one
we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of
life. u mis understood. its just u are totally useless

and if u call it love when u give ur whole life to someone, the
wholeness of us and imagined that if  he/she leave, no one would accept
u and ur past, once again u are wrong. its just unsecurity.

but no matter what definition it is, the truth still remains that love
isn’t something u can buy nor beg. it is real and existing.

u cant touch it but u can feel it.
u cant find it but  it will knock before u expect it to come.

it can make u the happiest soul n heaven, but dont forget that it also
can make u the most misearable person in the whole galaxie…

do u aggree?

haih..
apa2 pun, carilah kebahagiaan masing2.. sebelum Toys R’ Us ‘dirobohkan’…

aku nak demam..

This entry was posted on Monday, September 11th, 2006 at 2:09 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.